I AM SO FREAKED OUT I AM CODDAMNED SCREAMING.
So I totally missed dawn this morning because I found a huge vein of diorite and in my cave and I was busy mining it, but I realized that if I wanted to start growing my own food, that was probably safer to do when the zombies weren’t out.
(Did I mention that the zombies catch fire in the presence of sunlight? Massive exothermic reaction, but it’s not enough to keep them from trying to strangle me. One of them set my shirt on fire yesterday morning. I probably should’ve mentioned that in yesterday’s report.)
So I walk out the door — I replaced my rock pile with a proper door, by the way – and turn to close the door and a CODDAMNED REAL LIVE SKELETON (IF YOU WILL EXCUSE THE EXPRESSION) SHOT ME IN THE BACK WITH A BOW AND ARROW AND THEN (IT GETS BETTER) SOME OTHER WHACKADOO ANIMAL IN THIS CODFORSAKEN BACKWATER BILGE PUMP OF A PLANET BLEW UP.
BLEW. THE FLOCK. UP.
IT LEFT A CRATER.
It blew me halfway across what I’ve started to think of as my “front yard” and and totally stunned me. Took me a minute to get on my feet, the whole time I’m thinking “WOW MY HEAD HURTS” and “I BET EVERYTHING IS BROKEN” and “I’M SHOUTING IN MY HEAD BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING FROM THE EXPLOSION”.
Then I realized that my meager supplies were in the cave right where the skeleton was. But then I realized that I could still remember the skeleton flying sideways during the explosion. Still, tried to get back to my cave because that’s what humans do, when in trouble we go get our stuff. Got all the way to the entrance, opened the door
AND GOT BLOWN UP AGAIN.
This time the crater in front of my door was so big that after the smoke cleared and I regained consciousness, I had to fill it in with random dirt I found around the area just so I could climb up to the door.
So: xenobiology report for the folks back at The Company when you get these files (if you ever get these files):
- Horses. Black. Look just like horses.
- Cows. Brown and white. Look just like cows. Moo like cows. Have not explored the milk part yet, need to catch one.
- Chicken duck bird things. Look like chickens that are constantly judging me. Wait, chickens always look like that anyway. Large bill/beak things. Sound like chickens. Lay monstrous eggs, the cloaca on those things must take up most of their body mass.
- Large green humanoid, outweighs me, wears clothes but doesn’t speak, always goes for the throat. May be capable of communicating but the whole “goes for the throat” thing really has me turned off of trying. When killed, disintegrates into dust. Also, strangely, the last one was carrying a carrot. So I have a carrot now.
- Skeletal grey humanoid, around my size but doesn’t outweigh me, no clothing but uses a bow and arrow. Would attempt communication but IT’S SHOOTING AT ME so getting the hell under cover is my current plan of relations. When blown into smithereens by Hellish Green Thing (see below) disintegrates but SO DOES EVERYTHING ELSE so I’m not sure that counts.
- HELLISH GREEN THING. OK, picture a small green head, no snout, eyes as big as dinner plates, on a long thin body and four tiny feet. No, that doesn’t work. OK picture a massive anaconda, one as big around as a standard human, with a head on top, but it’s only about feet long and walks around on 4 tiny feet, no tail. Still not quite there. Picture an anaconda crossed with poison ivy on the feet of a corgi and all of it – the anaconda, the poison ivy, the corgi feet, are the most explosive substance on earth.
It was raining at the time. Is it possible that the hellish green thing can’t mix with water? I don’t know. I really didn’t get a lot of time to study it before I was flat on my back on the other side of the hill.
Anyway, I decided that maybe some of this diorite would be best used to build a shelter that Hellish Green Thing might be able to blow up less-well than my current Cave of Dirt. Looks like my plans to go up on the mountain are delayed, since it’s more important to be safe where I am than killed by exploding creatures in the woods.
I guess it’s better for me to stay near the drop site for now anyway. I’ve only been here a few days. The Company could teleport me off-planet at any time, but only if they can find me.
I want to go home, move to the city, and surround myself with people.