Day 189: Confessions

Day 189:

I have a confession to make.

I’m not digging toward the big mountain.

I mean, I was. I started doing that. But then I hit a really nice seam of ore… and then another… and another… and I’m pretty much just harvesting everything this dirtball has to offer right now.

I’ll get back to digging toward the big mountain.

I will!

I know it looks like I’m addicted to mining, but I’m not!

I just like dirt, is all.

And maybe I’m a little afraid of what I’ll find out on the big mountain. And maybe I’m not sure if I can sew a coat warm enough for up in the snows. I can’t tell how cold it gets up there or whether it could kill me.

Or whether there’s people up there who will kill me.

Or whether there’s people up there who will tell me that it’s all just a big hoax and I’ve been duped by The Company, or fired, or something.

I’m better off with the ore, is what I’m saying

If I have the ore, then even if The Company fires me, I’ve got these logs as records the they abandoned me — the clause in my contract says 180 days — so I would get to keep everything I find.

I know that sounds selfish. Some people might even think I’ve been trying not to be found just so that I could keep what I found. Those people haven’t faced down a horror squid at two in the morning in their bedroom. Or slept on an untanned sheep hide. Or eaten carrots for 180 meals straight.

But I’ll also admit that there was a tiny tiny piece of me that was hoping, as day 180 slowly crept up, that maybe they wouldn’t find me before the deadline, so at least I’d get something out of this crudhole.

Anyway, I’m digging. I’m a little ashamed of it, but I’m doing it anyway.